“I didn’t care; I’d lost the ability to bullshit. I was the ‘me’ I always wanted to be.”
- Jerry Maguire
I had been to a lot of religious retreats, but never one exclusively for men. I was arriving exhausted, weary, and pretty much at the end of my rope. I didn’t have much left in my tank. The thought of having to muster a bunch of “praise God” or “I’ll pray for you, buddy” or other religious contrivances might have put me over the edge.
I never expected that something so simple and proscriptive could turn out to be such a rescue. Their simple instruction on the first night allowed me to drop my guard, settle in, and wrestle with God in ways that have changed every day of my life in the 15 years since.
“Just be yourselves, be present, and don’t offer any of the contrived things we normally say to other men as Christians.
Doesn’t that make you sigh even reading it? I mean, even a mannequin can offer a helping hand, but to what end?
Out of the chaos of my youth, I had taken the message of freedom and hope found in my faith and fashioned it into a shroud of fear of the encroachment of the outside world. I had immersed my life and family into the “Christian industrial complex” as the author and speaker, Skye Jethani, likes to call it. Veggie Tales only for the kids, no internet or cable, and only music/books from our spiritual brand of choice.
While “Prayer Works!”, “God is good” and "He works all things for good” even in our most troubling circumstances, those truths didn’t land too well when I was really suffering and feeling alone. I know they were all well-intentioned and intended to rescue me from my circumstance, but they frankly felt insincere and contrived.
I had to learn that what I most often needed was to sit in that uncomfortable brokenness. To wrestle with God and question the almighty. To mine the pain for deeper truth, understanding, and growth. To discover the redemption afforded me through the cross. To not be rescued with other forced or trite statements.
I am learning to show others the same consideration.
My I-D on DISC wants to inspire and lead them out of their pain.
My enneagram 8 wants to rescue them from their challenging situation.
The coach in me wants to provide valuable advice from my wealth of experience.
But prayerful consideration is often telling me to be present, listen thoughtfully, ask better questions, and allow them to wrestle through…with God, on their own. Not offer contrived or well-intentioned truths that are really in the way of what God needs to do.
CONSIDER
Are you wrestling with something right now?
Are the normal things people say to you not providing relief?
Do you have people around you that love you enough to let you wrestle with God?
Do you need to be reaching for restoration instead of accepting an unsustainable rescue?
We are honored to host guest blogs from Friends, Partners and Allies. Brian Schroller of SummitTrek Coaching is our Ally posting this month. Brian is a new friend to me and to Four Streams. We met in Colorado this May (2019) at the Become Good Soil Intensive orchestrated by Morgan Snyder and a team of friends from Ransomed Heart. Contact Brian if you or your firm needs clarity of purpose as you continue your Journey. Buz Mayo